Unsurprisingly the last few days have been blue and introspective.
Trying to shake this feeling of exhaustion, and apply for jobs, trying desperately to ignore my rapidly sinking financial situation, (Titanic anyone…) which is starting to leave me terribly exposed.
Non yet, but fake it till you make it!
There isn’t much to do here, besides hike, there is no swimming on the beach, so I still have not swam in the Mediterranean, this will have to wait until I’m next in Tel Aviv or manage to find a serviceable beach.
I think my biggest challenge right now is getting over this funk, and the feeling of sadness ever since Jerusalem. My diagnosis is a bit of Post Traumatic mixed in with Acclimatization, and then seeing the harsh reality of an ancient conflict in person as catalyst has put me in an Early coping situation. (or collapsing)
This is not unwelcome, it has to be done, and may as well be done now, I am relatively isolated, and not spending much money at the moment, so Ill just have to keep on, keeping on, until keeping on, becomes keeping on.
So I will be keeping a whether eye on that horizon, I have a feeling it could be the kind of thing that creeps up and leads to serious depression.
I think the biggest challenge to achieving anything big and new is integrating the reactive emotions positively into your state of being, with the least conflict, whilst avoiding any reactive depression.
Listen to your self, and don’t impose expectations.
Give to your self Honesty, vulnerability, and comfort.
(Thank you to all those who have been so supportive)